BK3: End of Dreams - Part VI

Banjo-Kazooie 3: The End of Dreams - Part VI</u>

5:30 AM – 30 minutes left until the End of Dreams


THE END OF DREAMS FINALE

OR…

ARMAGGHEDON TIRED OF
WRITING THESE


“There is Bear and Tiger! Quick, we must meet them at top of mountain!” Mumbo said to the Jinjos and Humba as they ran along, trying to catch up with the plane.
“Mumbo! Humba! Is that really you!?” yelled Banjo from the plane, almost tipping it over.
“Hey, HEY! Watch it! We’ll land in the river if you keep leaning over the sides!” said Timber exasperated by the hyper bear. Timber pulled a lever to open up the landing gear. “What’s wrong with this thing? Dang gears are stuck or something!” The plane started to weave up and down.
“Eekum. Bear and Tiger in trouble. Mumbo cast spell to open landing gear!” Mumbo raised his staff in the air and began to spin it while chanting. “Eekum Bokum, Eekum Bokum, Eekum Bokum, Dee Go Haw…”
“Quick, Shaman, we’ll be dead in the river by the time you finish up!” yelled Timber in panic. Mumbo continued chanting.
“Eekum Bokum, Eekum Bokum, Eekum Bokum, Boobadaboo, Boobadaboo, Eekum Bokum, Eekum Bokum, Eekum Bokum, OOBANACKA!” As Mumbo finished his chant, the landing gear opened and the plane landed on the pier, rolling along out of control.
“Ah, for the love of… Now the brakes are stuck!” said Timber smashing the controls. “This thing’s a hunk o’ junk! What were you telling me before about your next game?”
“You can build your own vehicles. Just stick stuff together and it works!” said Banjo joyfully.
“You kiddin’ me? Man, gotta get me some’a that…” The wood on the pier began to break and collapse as the plane rolled over it. The combined mass of Banjo and Timber was probably too much for it. It was probably all because of Banjo, though. Mumbo and the others looked on in fear.
“Now brakes no work on plane! Mumbo cast STOP spell!” Mumbo cried out.
“OH NO, SHAMAN!” yelled out Timber from the plane. “By the time you finish, we’ll both be dead!” The long pier was almost out of wood for the plane to run on. Suddenly, when all hope seemed lost, a glorious yellow bird… uh, thing, came from behind Mumbo and the others, flying gracefully through the air. It began to speak in a grating voice.
“No need to worry, guys, Canary Mary is coming to the rescue!” said the annoying bird thing. Mumbo and the others looked up at it and all turned their heads to the side at the same time. As Canary Mary flew over to the plane, Banjo looked up at her.
“OH NO! MY THUMBS! MY THUUUMBS!” said the bear deliriously. Timber looked up and turned his head to the side as well.
“Did I ever tell you that you meet some strange people on your journeys? Just saying…” said Timber. Canary Mary swooped in and grabbed Banjo by the shoulders with her feet while he prattled on about his thumbs. Timber lifted himself out of the plane and grabbed onto Banjo’s legs as Canary Mary flew to safety. As the plane kept rolling, it ran out of track. It crashed into a wall and exploded into a thousand pieces. Still being carried by Canary Mary, Timber looked up at Banjo after seeing the crash.
“You have to show me that vehicle trick of yours.”

Meanwhile…

Grunty slowing stirs her cauldron with an old broomstick, looking off into the vapor that overlaps the cool night sky. “Those fools. I can’t believe time’s on my side, finally my dreams will forever preside. For when the clock strikes 6:00, all will be gone, the bear and bird will perish, while Grunty lives on.”
Images of Banjo and the rest are fading in and out of the bubbling goop in the pot. “Those dolts are probably thinking they will catch me unaware, but I’ve got a surprise for them waiting deep in my lair. It’s been brewing for a while, for as long as I’ve been dead, through much toiling, plotting and sweat n’ blood shed.”
Grunty puts down the broomstick and walks to her cushiony chair with worms crawling in and out of it. “Worms, sweet worms, you make my life worth living, for your love and compassion are eternally giving.” Grunty twirls a worm around her finger, then slurps it up like spaghetti.
The large, wooden door on the other side of the room bursts open. A lone Gruntling with his arms waving in the air waddles over to Grunty in a panic. “Grunty! All of the prisoners have escaped!”
“Which ones?!?!” asks Grunty getting up from her cushy chair.
“…I JUST SAID ALL OF THEM!” barks the mad Gruntling, shaking with sweat.
“Grrr…” growls Grunty. She looks over to the clock with 28 minutes left until 6:00. “Okay, I want you to assemble all the Gruntlings in clockwise formation. Got it?”
“Clockwise formation…? Is that wise? Certainly the bear and his friends can tell time. We’d be advertising our weakness!”
“Look, I don’t pay you to think—”
“You don’t pay me AT ALL!” interrupts the mad Gruntling.
“Exactly! So get out of my sight and do what I told you!” Grunty snarled.
“Fine… just one more thing: Miss Grunty, why have you stopped rhyming?” asks the Gruntling on his way to the door.
“Because this is WAR for my sake! Time to stop sounding so fake!” Grunty’s eyes shifted as if she confused herself.
“Uh, you just rhymed.”
“I know, force of habit. Now, get out.” Grunty points to the door and the Gruntling leaves. Grunty goes back to her chair and continues eating her worm buffet.

Meanwhile…

“Master! The ice is melting!”
“Please, get down from there, Master! The ice is going to shatter!”
Kazooie looked down at where she was standing and she saw slits in the ice branching out from the tips of her talons. The slits started to meet and the ice cracked, making Kazooie step back. She looked down at the 30 foot drop to the Jiggy Platform. Suddenly, the ice shattered and Kazooie fell. She tumbled down with the chunks of ice hitting her in the face. She flapped her wing, though she was holding the Jiggy Master 3000 with her other wing, so she flailed around in the air while tumbling down.
“I have to let go of you to save myself!” yelled Kazooie, just 10 feet away from the Jiggy Platform.
“That is just so typical of a fleshy. Always treat the accessories without an ounce of—” Suddenly, Kazooie let go of the Jiggy Master 3000 and it plummeted down with the ice chunks.
“Well that was rude to just leave me hanging on his word like that…” said Kazooie very calmly. “WHAT WAS THAT YOU WERE SAYING?” yelled Kazooie with her wings held up to her beak in the shape of a funnel.
“I haaaate yoooouuu!” yelled the Jiggy Master 3000 fading into the dark depths of the backpack. Meanwhile, Kazooie flapped her wings slowly as she floated safely down to the Jiggy Platform.
“Well, guys, the good news is we got rid of Eyrie.” Kazooie brushed herself off and looked up. “The bad news is, we’re about 100 feet from the top of the backpack and we’re out of Notes…” Kazooie started to pace back and forth, the Jiggies below her eyeing her every step.
“Master, Master! I have an idea!” said a odd-looking item.
“Oh, really, what is it?—Wait… what are you?”
“I’m a JuJu Bee, ma’am!”
“A what?”
“A JuJu Bee! I’m like a small gelatinous candy!”
“Candy? Ugh… I’ve been telling that bear to stop leaving food in here!” Kazooie covered her eyes with her wing. “Alright, alright… Tell me your idea…” The JuJu Bee gathered up ten other JuJu Bees behind him and faced Kazooie.
“We can bounce you the rest of the way! If we all form together…” Suddenly, the JuJu Bees began to merge into one another, getting bigger and bigger until it became one ultra JuJu Bee. “WE CREATE MEGA JUJU BEE!!!” said the Mega JuJu Bee in a thunderously deep voice. Kazooie looked at the gelatinous mold and a grin crept across her beak. She looked up.
“For once, Banjo, your gut’s starting to pay off!” Kazooie got on top of the JuJu Bee and started bouncing. Higher and higher she jumped. Once she got to 20 feet in the air, she said,
“Okay guys, pass me the Floatus Floatium!” The eggs and feathers passed it from one to the other, and as Kazooie got down again, she grabbed hold of the Floatus Floatium and jumped with it even higher into the air.
“I’m doing it, guys! I’m almost to the top of the backpack! Wish me luck!”
“Good luck, Master!”
“Best wishes!”
“Bring us back some ice cream! Just, ya know, if it’s on the way! No pressure!”
Kazooie held onto the back of the Floatus Floatium as it glided all the way to the top of the backpack. Suddenly, Kazooie vanished into the crack of light at the top…

Meanwhile…

“Is he up yet?” asked Bozzeye, kicking Bottles’ body, which makes him roll onto his side. Bottles blows bubbles in his sleep.
“Does he LOOK up yet? Really, Cousin…” says Shades, sitting in thin air.
“I don’t understand. He’s not supposed to be out for this long!” says Granny Focal, pacing back and forth while hovering above the ground. Lenses, meanwhile, collects flowers off in the distance.
“Well, look at it this way…” says Shades. “Now he won’t be able to feel the pain when Grunty finds and kills all of us.” He lowered his sunglasses and gave Granny Focal a sarcastic look.
“That’s not funny, Shades… We need to figure out a way to bring him back to reality. Grunty has him under a sleep spell, and it’s a powerful one, too. We were capable of contacting him in his dreams, but that seems like the only way he’ll be able to listen to us.” Granny Focal continues to pace. Shades’ eyes move from side to side as he watches her pace.
“Heh, maybe we can get him to sleep-walk. Then we won’t have to carry him, haha.” Shades said jokingly. Granny Focal stopped dead still and turned her head to Shades.
“You might just have something there…”
“Get him to sleep-walk?” says Bozzeye, butting in. “That’s the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard. Why, it’s so stupid, it’s not even funny! In fact, it’s sad. Real sad!” Granny Focal covers his mouth with her hand.
“If we can get him to walk, we can get him to run. If we can get him to run, we can get him to fight. If we can get him to fight, we can get him to wake up.” Bozzeye’s right eyebrow raises and Granny Focal removes her hand from his mouth.

Meanwhile…

“All right everybody, we’re practically all assembled.” Timber speaks to his men, all standing at attention near their respective vehicles, all manufactured from parts gathered around the world. Timber opens up the paper on his clipboard. “Now, we don’t have much time, so we have to make this brief.” He approached a short turtle. “Tip-tup, your rank is Commander. Your veteran status will be looked up to in the time following these events.”
“Thanks, sir! I’ll try not to get “tipped up” while flying!” Tip-tup joked, and the others standing in line laughed. Timber stifled a chuckle.
“Let’s try to keep the humor at a minimum, shall we? This is a war, not a circus.”
“But…” Tip-tup almost interrupted. “Nevermind.”
“What? What were you going to say?”
“Well, it’s just that, if you think about it, we’re actually a lot like those animal crackers that come in the circus-themed boxes.” Tip-tup looks upward and rubs his chin as he thinks.
“Look, you bring up a good point, but please, keep it to yourself, huh?” says Timber.
“Yes sir…” says Tip-tup looking down at his feet and shaking his head. Timber rolls his eyes and moves on while flipping the paper on his clipboard.
“Bumper, your absence for many years has led people to believe you became a wash-out and a drunk. This is your chance to prove them wrong.” Timber places a special badge on Bumper’s jacket.
“Thank you, sir… I can’t wait to prove how much not a drunk I am.” Bumper staggered as he slurred his words, his eyes slowly blinking and only half shutting.
“Bumper… Are you drunk?”
“Yes… er, I mean… yeah.” Bumper placed his upper lip over his lower one while his eyes looked bloodshot. Timber covered his face with his paw and moved on.
“Pipsy…” Timber looked down at the diminutive little mouse. She smiled and batted her eyelashes. “God, it had to be bloody Pipsy.” Timber said straight to her face, making her grimace. Timber moved on to the next soldier.
“Drumstick… Your secret character status says a lot of your popularity. This army is fortunate to have you. Here, wear this with pride.” Timber placed a badge of honor on the rooster’s jacket. The rooster looks up at Timber.
“Buck, buck, buckaaaa!.” said the rooster. A tear started to fall down his cheek.
“Right… Well… Ahem, moving on…” Timber ambled over to the final soldier and flipped the next page on his clipboard. He looked up at the full-grown crocodile looming down at him. He opened his mouth and drool started to drip from it.
“…and Krunch, of course, the token Kremling.”
“MY NAME’S KRUNCH!”
“Yes, I know. That’s why we’ve selected you.”
“BLEH!”
“Are you…” Timber looks behind him. “Is he retarded or something?” Timber asks two random Jinjos who decided to stick around, who then shrug. Timber shakes his head and closes the papers on his clipboard, then just flicks it onto the floor.
Timber walks up to the center of his crew. “All right, guys, we don’t have a lot of time left, so I’ll leave you with this: In all the years that we’ve been locked up, a lot has changed. There’s a new villain in town, and she’s even worse than that alien pig. She’s got a boatload of magical powers and she’s not shy about using ‘em. But we’re all rallying together in hopes of ridding the land of her evil power. We want to live in peace, and we can’t do that unless we pool all of our strength together… AND FIGHT!” The crew cheers, as do the two Jinjos.
“Now, I know we’re a small, rag-tag bunch of misfits who have been out of the game for quite a while… but I think with a little bit of hope… a little bit of courage… a little bit of spirit… we’ll eventually overcome that evil witch and put her BACK in the ground where she BELONGS!” Timber raises his arms in the air and the crew cheers again. Timber walks away from the crowd with his arms still raised and the crew still cheering. As he walks past the two Jinjos, he mumbles,
“We haven’t got a chance.”

Meanwhile…

“Finally, Bear and Bird are back at last…” said Mumbo raising his staff in the air. “Mumbo just wish it was other Bird…” Mumbo glanced over at Canary Mary walking beside Banjo, bringing him closer to her while Banjo has an uncomfortable expression on his face. Humba leads the way through the dark hallway leading up to Grunty’s Main Lair while the others follow closely behind.
“Much quietness needed! Many traps along way to main lair…” said Humba. The others whispered from then on.
“I understand how you feel, Mumbo.” said Canary Mary. “But I’ve got far more to offer Banjo than that kooky breegull ever did.” Canary Mary crosses her arms and puts on a smug smile.
“How new duo solve puzzles?” asked Mumbo.
“Vehicles. I make them from things I grab out from under my wing.” Mumbo and Banjo cringed.
“What about your attacks?” asked the Gold Jinjo.
“I can jump out of the backpack and bash enemies with a giant stick.”
“Not just that…” said Mumbo desperately looking for reasons to get rid of her. “also, uh, colors clash. Bear already have blue and yellow in design. Too much yellow overpower look.”
“Then I’ll paint my feathers red.”
Banjo looked over at Canary Mary. “This isn’t permanent, Mary. We just need your help so we can defeat Grunty. Then we can find out what she did with Kazooie and bring her back.”
Canary Mary scoffed at the idea. “Aw come on. You know the old moves are yesterday’s news. I’m the FUTURE of gaming—er, adventuring.”
Mumbo laughed. “Hah. Day Canary Mary future of adventuring is day Mumbo turn into mechanic. Ha ha ha.”
“Big heep quiet!” said Humba with her index finger held up to her lips. “This is door to main lair!” Humba slowly opened the door by merely pushing it with her finger tip. It creaked open. A light came through the door and everyone’s eyes grew bigger as they saw the awesome sight before them…

Meanwhile…

“Okay, on the count of three, we jump in at the same time. That should be enough of a jolt to gain his full attention once we’re inside!” Granny Focal and the other mole spirits gathered around Bottles. “Everybody ready?” Everyone nods. “Okay… 1… 2… 3! Jump in!” All four mole spirits jump inside Bottles, causing his body to glow and jump in the air. The camera zooms into Bottles’ mind, through clouds and into the wormhole where Bottles drifts along seemingly for an eternity. The mole spirits join Bottles and surround him.
“Granny Focal! Bozzeye! Lenses! Ugh, Lenses…” Bottles shivers for a few seconds. “Anyway, you guys are back! Did you find out a way to help me?” Bottles asks while tumbling upside down.
“In a manner of speaking… yes.” says Granny Focal looking to the side. “Remember what I told you about taking control?”
“Yeah, that was like my hint, right? For beating Wizpig, I mean.”
“…what? No, no… That was for right now.”
“But what about the remote control?”
“You watch too much Television, dear.”
“Ah…” Bottles looks to the side, then gets confused. “So how does that pertain to now?” Granny Focal drifts over to Bottles and holds him still to keep him from tumbling.
“We need you to take control from inside your mind in order to control your body.” Bottles tilts his head, then blinks.
“And how do you propose I do that?” asks Bottles.
“Close your eyes…” says Granny Focal, shutting Bottles’ eyes with her hand. “Try to imagine where you physically are right now… You’re in the deep recesses of Grunty’s Lair… Your body is on the floor… Can you picture that?” Bottles squints his eyes while keeping them closed.
“Yeah… I think so…” The camera zooms into Bottles’ mind-within-his-mind and we see Bottles lying on the floor. He opens his eyes slowly and sees stalactites hanging down from the ceiling. He lifts his glasses up and starts to rub his eyes.
“Oh, boy… How long have I been out?” Bottles looks around his environment and realizes he’s in Grunty’s Lair near the Click Clock Wood entrance. He walks through the grass.
“Hm… The last thing I remember is tumbling through that wormhole… Then Granny Focal had me imagine this place… Wait…” Bottles stops as soon as he starts climbing the vines. “What if I’m not actually up? What if all this is just a dream, too?” He looks back, then up the vines. “Well… I guess there’s only one way to find out.” Bottles works his way up the vines and continues to the next room where he hears the sound of game show music. “What is that? Oh, wait, NOOOOO!” Suddenly, he disappeared into thin air…

Meanwhile…

“Brrrreeeeeegulllll!!!!” yells Kazooie as she was literally flung from the dark recesses of Banjo’s backpack. She glides through the sky and looks back at Banjo. “Wait, I need to go back! Banjo! TURN AROUND, YOU DUMB BEAR!”
Suddenly, as Kazooie turns back, she sees a large yellow mass coming toward her. “Ahhhhhh!!!” she yells as she makes a crash landing into the yellow mass. The Floatus Floatium hovers away as Kazooie lies on the ground. She gets up slowly and pats herself off.
“Where… What IS this?” She walks around and sees a long, yellow stalk coming out of the ground. “Huh. Looks like a giant feather…” She looks up the feather and around at the others. “Wait… giant, yellow feathers…”
The camera zooms out from the yellow patch under Canary Mary’s armpit while her whole body comes into view. A tiny sound can be heard…
“CRAP!”
Canary Mary blushes while Banjo and Mumbo look at her, annoyed. “Excuse me.”
“I can’t believe it…” says Kazooie falling to the ground. “First, I was just another piece of lint in the void that is Banjo’s backpack, and now I’m just another lost piece of trash wedged in between Canary Mary’s armpit… I must be getting punished for teasing Goggle Boy one too many times…” Kazooie sits there for a few minutes, then gets up and brushes herself off. She feels the trembles as the giants walk.
“Well, let’s see what’s going on in the real world…” Kazooie climbs a long, yellow feather and curls her feathers into binoculars as she looks off into the distance. “Well, there’s the kooky shaman… the dumb bear… the hot, Indian chick, the Jinjos, yada, yada, yada…” Kazooie trails off. Suddenly, she pauses.
“Wait… Hang on a second.” She sees Humba opening a door which lets a lot of yellow candlelight creep out. Kazooie tries to look inside as the door opens. The feathers on Canary Mary start to shake, which causes Kazooie to jostle around and get knocked back. “Keep it steady, Mary!” yells Kazooie. She looks on and sees inside the door. She does a double-take and her jaw drops. Kazooie inadvertently says in unison with the thunderous voices surrounding her,
“Bottles…?”

Meanwhile…

“Woah!” Bottles looks around to see he’s landed in some kind of game board setting. The sounds of game show music echo all around him as he steps up onto the first square.
“Aha!” says a high-pitched voice. “Bottles, my new contestant! What’s wrong? You look hesitant! Allow me to ask you your first query! I’ll try not to make it too eerie!”
“Ahhh! Not the rhyming again!” Bottles covers his ears and crouches down. Grunty grimaces.
“Alright, then! Enough of your cowering! I’ll try not to make my rhymes overpowering!” Bottles gets up and looks at Grunty at the other end of the game board.
“First question!” says Grunty. “What was the 2nd battle you had?”
Bottles rubs his chin for a moment, then sees a giant counter hanging up above the podium up in front of the board game. He panics, then stutters. “Uh, uh… 3 seconds… UHHHH… GRUNTY IN THE HAG1!” he shouts.

OUCH!

“Grrr… That’s correct!” says Grunty. Bottles advances another step on the game board onto a tile with Bottles’ face on it. Bottles thinks to himself, “What was that?”
“Next question!” says Grunty reading from her quiz show cards. “What form did I take on in Gobi’s Valley?”
“That’s easy! A serpent!” Bottles stands confidently.

YOUCH!

“Grrr… You know-it-all!” says Grunty shuffling to the next card. Bottles steps forward onto the next square, a picture of Grunty on it. Bottles thinks again to himself, “Where’s that noise coming from?”
“Hah! Now you have to answer questions based on ME!” says Grunty.
“What? I don’t even know anything about you! That’s so unfair!” Bottles crosses his arms and looks away.
“What’s my favorite thing to do on Saturdays?” asks Grunty. The counter appears again with 6 seconds on it.
“…How am I supposed to know!?!?”
Suddenly, Brentilda pops up next to him. “Do you need some help, young mole?” asks the polite witch.
“What’s this? Cheating! I’m knocking you back one square!”
Bottles gets knocked back and loses one bar of health. He rubs his chest in pain as he thinks to himself. “That actually hurt… Could it be…? No, can’t be…”
“Why not, young mole?” asks Brentilda.
“…You could hear what I was thinking?”
“Yes, dear. It’s very possible that this quiz is more than meets the eye… Do your best!” Brentilda imbues Bottles with knowledge of Grunty’s tastes and habits with her magic wand, then disappears. Flashes of Grunty’s past surge through Bottles’ mind.
“Woah… Eww… Awww! Gross… Come on! Disgusting!” Bottles collapses to the floor, then shakes it off and gets back up again. “Alright, you old hag. Time to drop the 100 ton weight on YOUR head…”
“What do I do every single day!?”
“Clip your toenails and feed them to your pet Skuz!”

EEEEK!

“What do I eat for breakfast!?”
“Eye O’ Newt brand cereal!”

BLEEHHH!

“Who’s my favorite family member!?”
“Who’s my favorite lounge singer!?”
“What’s my favorite activity!?

“Gruntilda!”
“Scum Jones!”
“Causing trouble for Banjo and Kazooie!”

OUCH!
ARGH!
YOUCH!

“I’m doing it! I’m almost to the end of the game board!”
“Don’t get so cocky, mole! I’ve still got my wrath to dole!” says Grunty stepping out from the podium and approaching Bottles.
“Grr…You’re not even that good at rhyming anymore! Just quit it!” yells Bottles covering his ears.
“Oh yeah? Well watch this!” Grunty conjures up a spell and launches it out at Bottles, sending him hurdling into the lava below.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! YOU CHEATED, GRUNTY!!!”
“I’m a WITCH! What do you want from me!?”

Meanwhile…

“How did YOU get in here!?”
“ZzzzZzzzZZzzzzz…”
“Oh, so you’re acting like you’re not afraid, huh? Well, I’ll fix THAT!”
“ZzzzzZZzzzzZZzzz…”
Grunty got out of her cushy chair and wobbled across the room, making the floorboards creak below her with her massive weight.
“What the heck do you think you’re do—”
Suddenly, Bottles punches Grunty in the jaw and knocks her back so hard that she topples over. Bottles stands there wobbling with his eyes closed, blowing sleep bubbles.
“OUCH! The kid’s got a strong right hook! I’ll give him that!” Grunty gets up again, wipes her mouth and comes back again. Bottles kicks her in the shins.
“YOUCH! Why you little… I’ll show yo—” Grunty gets punched in the face again, and again, and she gets pounded in the stomach, and the shins again, and then once more in the face, just for good measure.
“EEEK!”
“BLEHHH!”
“OUCH!”
“ARGH!”
“YOUCH!”
Suddenly, Humba and the others peak through the door and witness the pummeling Bottles is doling out to Grunty.
“Bottles…?”
“ZZZzzzzZZZzzzzZZZ…”
Grunty gets up off the floor and wobbles a bit. She wipes her jaw, brushes herself off, and then puts a determined look on her face. “That DOES IT! Time to do things the witchy way!” She raises her hands in the air and conjures up a spell. She casts it directly at Bottles which sends him clear across the room. As soon as Bottles hits the wall, he slowly opens his eyes.
“Nam… nam nam…” He yawns. “Boy… How long have I been asleep?” Bottles only half opens his eyelids. He peers out of them and sees a distorted Grunty staring down at him.
“Think you’re pretty impressive beating a witch with your eyes closed, eh!? Well, it was pretty impressive. I’ll give you that… But enough fun and games! Time to END THIS!!!” Grunty conjures up another spell and brandishes it above her head…

*INTERMISSION*
GO GET SOME CANDY OR SOME CHIPS NOW.
NO, I MEAN IT. YOU’RE GONNA WANT THE SNACKAGE.
THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD.
“NOT SO FAST, GRUNTILDA!” yells Banjo bursting through the door with Mumbo and the others in tow.
Grunty turns to Banjo as she continues to hold the spell up high. “It’s that blasted BEAR! Where’s the talking feather duster!?”
“You tell US!” yells Banjo taking off his backpack and swinging it around by the chains connected to it.
“Now THAT would just spoil the ending, wouldn’t it? AHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!” Grunty threw the spell at Banjo and the rest. They all dove out of the way as the spell blasted the stone wall. “And THAT was just a warm-up shot! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!”
“Come on, Banjo! We have to pull off some of our ‘moves’!” Canary Mary jumped into Banjo’s backpack, then took out a giant stick with the initials ‘BFS’ on the side of it.
“Mary! Stop that! What are you doing? This isn’t how it’s supposed to work!” Banjo started wobbling from side to side from Mary’s machinations as she brandished the stick overhead.
“Oh come on! Don’t be such a baby! We can take her!” Mary leaned forward, which caused Banjo to run in that direction to keep from toppling over. “WHAM!” yelled Mary whacking Grunty over the head with the stick. The stick didn’t even make a dent in her hat.
“New to this, eh?” said Grunty, calmly, as she raised her eyebrows up and down. Suddenly, she jumped back and pointed her finger at Canary Mary and let loose an electrified zap. “AHAAA!!!” Canary Mary shrank instantly to the size of a dust bunny. Banjo was knelt to the floor just two feet away from Grunty when he ran back to safety with Mumbo and the others. Grunty stood there with her hand coursing with electricity.

Meanwhile…

“Woah! That almost hit me!” said Kazooie as Canary Mary fell straight into Banjo’s backpack. “Well, better her than me!” Kazooie flapped her wings over to Banjo and held onto his fur.

Meanwhile…

“Bear not able to beat witch alone. Mumbo try spell.” Mumbo raised his stick in the air and started his incantation. Humba grabbed his shoulder and he turned to her.
“Mumbo not want to try tandem spell?” asked Humba. “Witch looks much tough!”
“Mumbo know what Mumbo doing…” and he turned back to say his incantation. “EEKUM BOKUM, EEKUM BOKUM, EEKUM BOKUM, DEE GO HAW…” after repeating the spell over and over, he finally ended with “OOBANACKA!” and a lion appeared right in front of Grunty. It growled ferociously at her. Grunty zapped it with her finger and it turned into a lion cub.
“Perhaps you should have taken your girlfriend’s advice, Shaman!” Mumbo sulked and walked back to the others. “Is this seriously all you guys have got? I can’t believe you all beat me so easily in the past! Perhaps simplicity was the trick to beating you, eh?”
“Save it, Gruntilda!” said the Gold Jinjo bravely stepping out from the crowd. “I’ve got my personal Jinjonian militia here and we will not stop until you’re defeated!” The Gold Jinjo pointed to the sky as he stood heroically. Gruntilda breathed heavily as her piercing green eyes caused the other Jinjos to back up. “…Men? Where are you guys going?!?!” The Jinjos started to run away. “I command you all to get back here and fight like men!”
“We’re not men!” yelled out the Red Jinjo. “We’re JINJOS! Our prime objectives are to yell ‘Help!,’ whistle, and wave!” As the Jinjos made their way to the door, Mumbo stopped Gold Jinjo from chasing them.
“Mumbo got this.” Mumbo started doing his chant. As he was saying it, he noticed Humba looking down at the ground. He nudged her to follow along with him as he smiled at her. The Jinjos stopped running and started glowing with magical energy as they reversed direction and started walking back to Gold.
“Jinjos… ATTACK!” The Jinjos were lifted in the air by Mumbo and Humba’s magical powers, the Jinjos started darting at Gruntilda, spiking at her head, stomach, and other unmentionable areas.
“OUCH! YOUCH! EEEK! YELP! HEY, THAT’S PRIVATE, BUDDY! OUCH!” Gruntilda started to run to the stairwell and climbed the stairs as she continued to be pounded with Jinjos. She made it to the top of the tower and opened the door. As the others caught up, they went through the door and found nothing outside except a cool early morning breeze, albeit a bit humid, along with some rain clouds circling the tower, as if it were the central point of misery of the whole land...

Meanwhile…

“Wha… What’s happening?” said Bottles, rubbing his head. He got up slowly and looked around. “It’s… It’s Grunty’s Main Lair! How did I get here?” He looked around to see blast marks made by Grunty’s spell. He looked to the door near the stairwell to see it was left open. Bottles got up and brushed himself off before making his way to the door.

Meanwhile…

Suddenly, Grunty appeared out of nowhere in the Saucer of Peril, only modded and tricked out with the latest in witch gadgetry.
“Hey! You stole that from Captain Blubber!” said Banjo with his hands on his hips.
“So what if I did? He’s flaky! He’ll find another vehicle to worship in no time at all! You’ll see!” Grunty hovered in the air and moved from side to side. She lowered the saucer down. “I call this the ‘Mare Maker! When I send down a beam of light, instead of sucking things up, it creates your worst nightmares!”
“You’re bluffing, Grunty! Besides, we’ve got a couple of tricks up our sleeve as well!” Banjo held his hands up high in the air as five airplanes came up from behind him and centered their sights on Grunty.
“Hey Grunty!” said Timber holding a cigar and whizzing past her. “I think you need better security in your dungeon! I do a little security work on the side! Here’s my CARD!” Timber sent a rocket straight at Grunty’s ship. The rocket blasted her clear across the sky, but she quickly recovered.
“Hah! It’ll take more than some primitive animal pyrotechnics to defeat this baby!” and with that, Grunty launched the homing missiles on Timber. The missiles chased Timber as he tried to gain speed.
“Hey, guys! I’ve got missiles on my tail! Shake ‘em off!”
Tip-tup started zeroing in on Timber’s location. He put the missiles in his aiming sight and tried to focus. “Come on… Just a little bit more to the… WHAMMO!” One missile down, Tip-tup aimed at the second missile. “Tip-tup is wise. Tip-tup is popular. Tip-tup is amazinggggg, WHAMMO NUMBER TWO! YES!”
Timber wiped the sweat from his brow as he continued blazing the skies. Just then, Pipsy came in on Grunty, shooting what looked to be watermelon seeds at her through her gattling gun.
“What kind of tom-foolery is this? This is a serious battle and you’re fighting with watermelon seeds? Get real, honey!” Gruntilda aimed a giant laser gun at Pipsy as she flew ever closer. Timber noticed this.
“GAH! Pipsy!” Timber dove his plane straight for Grunty, shooting his homing rockets at the laser gun. After a few hits, the laser gun was knocked off and fell to the tower below.
“That’s it! I’ve had quite enough of you guys!” Grunty sent out an electromagnetic pulse, which sent all the planes spiraling down to the Spiral Mountain below.
“Timber, nooooo!!!” cried Banjo, but all that was left were smoke trails…

Meanwhile…

“Aha!” said a voice from behind Banjo and the rest of the gang. “Looks like I’m a little late to the party!”
“Who are you!?” asked Banjo scratching his head.
“What? Grunty hasn’t told you about me? Well, let me introduce myself. I’m Dr. Krackpot! I’m quite an experienced physicist. I’d like you all to participate in a little experiment of mine! See, I was working on a new fusion-based creation, only I’m not sure it came out that great… Mind judging for yourselves?” Dr. Krackpot gave them a knowing smile and a wink. Banjo and the gang shrugged and then nodded.
“Sure, we’ll help ya out, Doc!” said Banjo, kindly. The Gold Jinjo covered his face with his palm.
Suddenly, Dr. Krackpot opened up a portal by pressing a button on his remote control. Out of the portal came dozens of Grinjos.
“I call them… Grinjos. They’re half-Gruntling, half-Jinjo creatures, more aptly named, Grinjos… What do you think?” Asked Dr. Krackpot. “AHAHAHAHAHAAA!”
Banjo and the gang started backing up as the Grinjos advanced on them.
“Mumbo, do you have any ideas?”
“Nope. Mumbo got nothing… Humba?”
“Big heep nothing…”
They were almost at the edge of the tower as they stepped up on the elevated edge. The Gold Jinjo stepped in.
“No need to worry, friends. My men have got it handled!”
The Jinjos started fighting the Grinjos. Once they started snapping back at the Jinjos, the Jinjos started running away. A random Jinjo yelled. “Run! They bite! I don’t wanna become a Grinjo! Wahhhh!”
“Relax!” said the Gold Jinjo. “They’re not zombies! They’re just, well, like Frankenstein’s monster!”
“I don’t wanna become Frankenstein’s monster!” cried out a Jinjo. The Gold Jinjo sighed and covered his face with his palm again. The Grinjos once again turned their sights to Banjo and the gang.
“Well, thanks for the effort.” said Banjo comfortingly.
“No problem.” said Gold Jinjo getting on top of the edge with the rest of them. Grunty’s laser cannon fell out of the sky and hit a Grinjo on the head, killing it instantly. Grunty wobbled in her saucer. Suddenly, a switch was activated on Grunty’s machine.
“OH NO! I’M NOT READY FOR THAT PART OF THE PLAN YET!”
Suddenly, dozens of robot Jinjos started making their way up the tower to the outside. One after the other, they came marching out of the tower door. As they ran into Grinjos, they killed them with their laser eyes. Dr. Krackpot stood by watching in terror.
“No! My babies! What are you doing to my babies!!?? You promised there’d be no casualties, Gruntilda! We had a DEAL!”
“Cool your jets, Krackpot! Your Grinjos were freaks of nature anyhow!”
Krackpot put a scowl on his face. His robotic legs turned into rockets as he made his way off the tower. “Someday Gruntilda… I’ll be BACK…”
“Yeah, yeah, that’s what they all say.” says Gruntilda, flapping her hand at him.
Banjo and the others watched as the robot Jinjos killed each and every one of the Grinjos. Suddenly, they started advancing on them as well as they were once again pushed to the edge of the tower.
“Well, that got rid of our Grinjo problem.” said the Gold Jinjo. “Now, what do we do about our robot Jinjo problem?” Everyone looked at Banjo. Banjo shook his head.
“I don’t know… I wish Kazooie was here…”

Meanwhile…

“I’M ON YOUR NOSE YOU GREAT BUFFOON!” said Kazooie, flapping her wings in front of Banjo’s face.

Meanwhile…

“Wait a minute, I’m a Jinjo! Somebody tag me!” said the Gold Jinjo turning to Banjo. Banjo gave the Gold Jinjo a high five. Suddenly, the Gold Jinjo blasted off.
“Jinjooooo! Weee!! Thanks guys!”
“Coward!!!” said Mumbo, infuriated.
Suddenly, Bottles comes through the door and looks trampled. His glasses are partly broken in one lense and his vest is torn. As he comes through, large stones from the tower begin to fall behind him to close off the doorway. Bottles jumps by this surprise.
“Bottles! Over here!” yells Banjo. Bottles turns his head and sees the army of robot Jinjos walking mechanically. One of them turns around and notices him. He looks around for a second, then instinctively makes robot gyrations.
“Bzzzzrt!” says Bottles, acting like a robot. The robot Jinjo turns back to Banjo and the rest, fooled that Bottles was a robot. “Hey guys! Act like robots! They seem to only be programmed to kill anything fleshy!” Banjo and the rest look at each other.
“Well, it beats being pancake.” says Mumbo, looking off the edge of the tower. Banjo and the rest start to move around like robots. The robot Jinjos become confused and start to turn around.
“Where do you all think YOU’RE going!?!?” said Grunty hovering closer to the robot Jinjos. “You worthless piles of junk!”
Suddenly, the robot Jinjos stop. They look up at Grunty all at once and their eyes begin to glow red. Grunty’s eyes widen and then she gulps.
“Er, uh… I meant that as a compliment!”
The robot Jinjos stood down and started walking away again. Suddenly, Grunty blasted the robot Jinjos with a disintegrating weapon and they turned to dust.
“Idiots! Good thing I had that gullibility chip installed!”
“How could you do that to your own creations?” asked Banjo.
“Hello…? Witch…?” Grunty blasted Banjo with a giant laser beam, which caused Banjo to quickly jump out of the way. Bottles came to where Banjo jumped and he knelt down beside him.
“Banjo, once I woke up, I had this amazing move in my head! The only thing is, you need Kazooie in order to use it! By the way, where is the bird brain anyways?”

Meanwhile…

“Bird brain? I’ll show ya bird brain! Come ‘ere…!” Kazooie started to kick Bottles’ nose.
“A-a-a-aahhhh—CHEW!” sneezed Bottles, causing Kazooie to be shot through the air. She landed right in Grunty’s cockpit.
“Ouch! Ugh…Yep, someone’s punishing me for being mean to that mole… Anyway, where am I now?” She looked around and saw Grunty’s ugly face staring down at her. “Awwww!! It’s bad enough at normal size…!” She flapped her wings over to the controls. “Hm… What’s this?” Kazooie read the label, ‘NIGHTMARE’ and next to it, ‘DREAM.’ Kazooie thought to herself. “Heh… Well, here goes nothing…” She hopped up and down on the button that said ‘DREAM.’

Meanwhile…

Suddenly, out of the beam below the saucer came an egg, then another egg, and then four more after those two. They were all bright and distinctly colored with question marks on them. After that, a key made entirely of ice came out of the beam of light as well.
“Holy Jiggy Wiggy… It’s Stop n’ Swop! At last!” said Banjo gazing up at the display. The eggs and the ice key hovered around in a circular pattern. Mumbo and the others came to see the spectacle as well.
“Huh? What’s this?” Grunty looked down at the eggs and the ice key. “OH NO! What do you think this is, Christmas morning?” Grunty sucked the eggs and ice key up through the beam of light as she switched to the ‘NIGHTMARE’ button. “Darn controls! Gotta get that fixed after I defeat this bear once and for all!”
“Darn it!” says Banjo folding his arms in disgust.
“That’s it!” said Grunty. “That’s the final straw! Now I’m going to concoct a nightmare so horrible you won’t even be able to keep your eyes open!”
“That pretty lofty goal…” said Mumbo to Banjo with a frightened look in his eyes.
“Okay! Starting the counter! It’s gonna be BIG!” Gruntilda started the counter, which had a feminine robotic voice.
“Ten…”
“Oh no… Banjo!” said Kazooie, worried.
“Nine…”
Kazooie flew down in front of the beam of light spreading her wings out as far as she could to try and block the magic from getting past.
“Eight…”
As Banjo and the others braced themselves from certain death, Banjo looked up at the saucer and saw a magnified shadow of what looked like a teeny-weeny bird cast by the beam of light.
“Kazooie…?” Banjo tapped Mumbo who was cowering in fear at the time. He looked up at the beam of light as well.
“Seven…”
“That is… Bird?”
Banjo nodded.
“Six…”
Mumbo looked to the side, then back at the beam of light. He pulled out the page from Humba’s book of spells from her Wigwam. On the page, it said,
“TIME-OUT SPELL: Effect lasts for one minute.”
“Five…”
Mumbo showed the spell to Humba. Humba looked down at the page, then at Mumbo. “That spell no work, remember? It take three Shaman…” Mumbo’s eyebrows sunk in the middle and he brought up his bottom lip.
“All of us have magic inside, Humba…”
“Four…”
Humba looked at Mumbo and then nodded slowly.
Mumbo nodded as well.
“Three…”
Suddenly, Mumbo and Humba both got up and started chanting the spell.
“PLANTO VICIS SUBSISTO PRO UNUS MINUTE,
PLANTO VICIS SUBSISTO PRO UNUS MINUTE,
PLANTO VICIS SUBSISTO PRO…”
“Two…”
Banjo and Bottles started to cast their essence into the spell. They tried as hard as they could to will the spell to work. Amazingly, small colorful sparks started emitting from Banjo and Bottles, first very small, then larger as they continued to concentrate.
“Onnnnnnn...”
The countdown stopped.
Mumbo and Humba looked around to see nothing moving. Banjo looked up at the light and still saw Kazooie’s shadow. “Come on! Help me get Kazooie!” Banjo frantically ran to Grunty’s saucer and tried jumping up to the beam of light, but it was out of his reach. Mumbo came up behind him and climbed on top of his shoulders.
Still not enough.
“I’ll help, too, guys!” Bottles came up and lifted both of them on top of his shoulders as they wobbled around. Mumbo reached up with his shaman stick and managed to nudge her closer to them. Once she was in reach, he grabbed her and gave her to Banjo. They ran back to where they were and hugged each other.
“We did it everyone! Wahey!” said Banjo hopping up and down. Bottles tapped Banjo’s shoulder.
“Uh, Banjo? I don’t mean to deter you from celebrating early, but…” Bottles pointed to Grunty, still pointing her giant beam of light towards them.
“Hah. Mumbo handle this.” Mumbo held up his shaman stick. As he was about to cast a spell, a fizzle came from his stick. “Oh no… Spell use up all Mumbo power!”
“ZAAAAPPPP!!!”
Mumbo cowered in fear as he crouched to the ground covering his head. He looked up to see he was still alive. He looked up at Grunty and she had been turned around. Humba came up from behind him and gave him another shaman stick.
“Mumbo really should carry spare!”
Mumbo breathed a sigh of relief.
Suddenly, things started speeding up again.
The countdown commenced.
“nnnnneeee!”
Grunty fired the beam into the sky, plowing through the clouds to form a giant hole. The spell had missed Banjo and crew completely.
“NOW!” yelled Banjo, throwing Kazooie into the air. Mumbo and Humba both zapped Kazooie with their respective shaman wands. Banjo leaped into the air, catching Kazooie in his backpack as she grew back to her rightful size.
“GUH-HUH!”
“BREEGULL!”
The duo landed right in the middle between Mumbo, Humba, and Bottles as they all made a heroic pose together as a return to their former glory.
Grunty turned around once she realized she had been tricked.
“WHAT!?!? NOOO!!! THIS CAN’T BE! YOU CHEATED!!! I CALL SHENANEGANS!!!”
Grunty began to bash her beloved machine. Parts started falling off one at a time, sprinkling down to the tower below. She began to cry and yell. The saucer began to smoke and sputter. Grunty stood on top of the edge of the saucer and jumped off of it and onto the tower. The saucer spiraled out of control until it crashed behind her, causing a huge explosion. Banjo and the others broke their pose to see it.
“If there’s one thing I hate about fighting with a bear… it’s fighting with a bear that won’t play FAIR!” She began slowly stomping her way toward Banjo and Kazooie. The crew started to back up carefully.
“Pssst! Banjo!” said Kazooie, whispering to Banjo. “I don’t think she’s messing around. We need a plan of attack!”
“I’m so glad you’re back, Kazooie… Bottles, what was that move you had in mind for us?”
Bottles whispered carefully. “It’s called the Feathered Dart Spinner. It’s simple, really. Just take Kazooie into your arms, then throw her while putting a twist on it so she spins like a dart. Whatever target she hits will receive massive damage.”
“Alright. Sounds simple enough…”
“You think this is it? You think you’ve WON? Well, I’ve got bad news, pal. It’s only JUST BEGUN! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!” Grunty conjured up a flashing red spell and brandished it right above her head. She juggled it like an artist.
Banjo took Kazooie in his arms.
He drew her back.
Then… he launched her.
Kazooie’s beak struck right between Gruntilda’s skull, causing her eyes to roll back into her head. The spell she was juggling blinked out of existence. Kazooie plucked herself from Grunty’s head and Grunty fell over backward. Her eyeball fell out of her eye socket and tumbled across the floor of the tower. It fell off the tower and plummeted down to Spiral Mountain below. It landed right in Grunty’s used grave…
Suddenly, the clouds in the sky started circling the tower. They started to engulf it with purple clouds, swirling around Banjo and the rest of the crew.
“What happening?” asked Mumbo.
“I’m not sure, Mumbo!” said Banjo.
The clouds began to grow thicker and blew even harder as the whole crew began to lift up into the air. Soon, nothing was visible beyond the color of the purple clouds. Then, a flash of white light occurred and everything faded. Everyone looked around at each other as they realized they were all in Banjo’s house playing Go Fish.
“We’re… We’re back!” said Banjo.
“It’s about time… I was getting tired of being a dust mite.” said Kazooie sarcastically.
“It really End of Dreams?” asked Mumbo.
“Look that way…” said Humba.
Everyone looked at each other and paused for a few seconds.
“So…” said Kazooie, holding some cards. “Does anybody have any 5’s?”
Cut to black.



THE END
(OF DREAMS, lol)
THANK YOU FOR READING MY SILLY FAN FIC.